Getting out of the washing up!

When I first became a Health Visitor we used to describe feeding a baby when they want food as 'demand feeding', this changed over the years to become 'responsive feeding', demand didn't sound very nice, like the baby was some kind of mini dictator telling parent's exactly what they should do, a teeny weeny control freak if you like. But not just this, feeding is a baby is most definitely not simply about the baby being hungry, it's also about comfort and convenience, babies feed to go to sleep (magic!), because they are sad, because they need to check in with mum, because they are poorly, when they need a cuddle.....but it's not just useful to feed from the baby's point of view. Today, i'm going to talk about reasons to feed a baby from a mum's point of view.

Ideas for first birthday gift for baby from 1990's

I'm going to let you into a secret, I managed to do my entire Christmas shopping for my friends and family through feeding my baby. I remember her waking up from a nap in bed together one morning and giving her a bit more of a breastfeed and managing to buy a bit more time. she fell back to sleep instantly, one more gift online bought, this seemed like some sort of wizardary, so with this fantastic technique I smashed Christmas within a week! If she hadn't wanted to feed, she wouldn't have, but just those few sucks, the cuddle and comfort was enough to buy me some more peace and quiet. She wasn't really showing cues, but she did love a cuddle and feeding was just one way of achieving this for her, so it was win-win for both of us. I then realised that I could do this when I felt a bit full or when I needed to go out, feeding in the supermarket was never easy, the trolley got right in the way, so having a quick feed before to top her up really helped.

Sometimes bottle feeding is described as a 'good way to give mum a break', I guess this really depends on the context, if the mum has sore nipples and is really struggling, dreading feeds, then perhaps, yes, a bottle could be a break for her. A better and more long term solution might be to call your local breastfeeding supporter and to get some help, so that feeding doesn't make her feel miserable any more and so the baby doesn't develop bottle preference. There are lots of families where there are no feeding issues and bottles are still offered for the mum break, she would still need to express for her own comfort and to maintain her supply, so this might actually create more work alongside sterilising, storing milk safely, reheating milk, it doesn't sound all that relaxing to me!

What does sound marvellous is sitting on the sofa, feeding a baby while someone else does your hoovering, cooking or washing up, that sounds pretty dreamy, especially during cluster feeds in the evenings. And if Mum really wants a break, she's touched out, needs some space, then someone taking the baby while she does this doesn't need to involve feeding, it can just mean she has a shower on her own or does bedtime with a toddler so that she gets some one to one time with both children. Often I think that the reason Mum's want to do some housework is a feeling of guilt or anxiety that they aren't doing it all, rather than a desperate urge to be reuinted with the dyson. I'm not saying that bottles are terrible or that people shouldn't use them, but honestly, it's probably not a break for anyone.

It's true love

The comfort aspect lots of women can relate to. I was so lucky to have a very helpful set of Grandmothers when I had my girls, so occasionally I went out for a dog walk on my own, this is the equivalent of a 5* luxury cruise for me, when I returned, my breasts were often about to pop and whether my baby was hungry or not, she got fed, the relief was incredible! The same on the occasional night when my second baby would sleep for a bit longer than usual, she would get promptly popped on the breast to stop my bed becoming soaked in milk.

Sometimes, mum's describe an instinct, 'I just felt like they needed feeding', listening to this can be so key, especially in the early days, when babies can be sleepy and don't always ask for feeds. Or there are times where you're separated, like when women return to work and you've missed your baby so much when they've been in childcare, that instinct to feed to reconnect can be huge. I think that this is one of the most powerful tools we have as a parent, after a baby is born a woman's brain changes to become more caring, how amazing! So we actually learn to become more in tune with our babies. Often we are encouraged to ignore these instincts, which can make mum's feel distressed, babies feel sad and it really undermines the experts- the parents!

There are lots more reasons to feed a baby to benefit mum's, to make her life easier, to fit in with life or simply to meet that feeling inside that women often have. So time to get your feet up on the sofa and let someone else don the marigolds!