Hygge Inducing Environments

This winter is my 38th on this planet and despite being a December baby, I have always found winter incredibly hard. The cold, dampness and the grey make me long for summer and the joy of feeling warmth beneath your feet. However, this year feels a bit different.

My family signed up for Energy Saving Sessions with our super green energy company. We took it VERY seriously (not competitive at all my kids) and turned off everything in our fully electric home for an hour or so each week, the kids called it ‘Blackout hour’ and totally embraced it, much to my surprise. They invented new games by torch light, put on shows with dancing and singing, asked for picnics on the carpet and cuddled up to read stories in candlelight. There was a chorus of very disappointed ‘awwwws’ when we had to turn the lights back on (not just them, me too).

Since this, for the first time in my whole life, I feel like I’m embracing the dark days, inside and out, recently I spent hours walking in the icy puddles, followed a few days later by the thaw, rain and the squelchy mud, enjoying the fresh air and sense of freedom but also of the enjoyment of getting home, taking off all my layers and soaking clothes and inviting in the feeling of wanting to hibernate.

In addition to all the fun of being outside, I love lighting candles, putting on a big woolly jumper and socks and snuggling up on the sofa in the evenings with a hot cup of tea.

Of course, the reason we are taking place in these energy saving sessions, is, in reality, because there is a massive crisis in our country. The world we are living in is an especially harsh one. We are living with a lot of uncertainty financially and it’s pretty scary. And I have a stable job, a stable home and can afford to buy candles and woolly socks, my energy shutdown is one of choice and that means an awful lot. But somehow, for me, the flip side of this is that shutting the world out, drawing the curtains and snuggling up is so much more than just about winning some points with an energy company. It’s down time from the 24 hour news, reality of what's outside, it give me family time and gives me a feeling of closeness that I’ve been missing.

I realised I’ve discovered Hygge, just 7 years after the UK went a bit mad for it (I’ve always been a bit late to the party), but how I missed the craze I don't know, it was everywhere!

This Danish word which according to the Cambridge Dictionary means ‘the feeling of having the quality of cosiness = feeling, warm, comfortable and safe’ is achieved not just with physical things, like my candles and blanket, but by things you do, like calling an old friend whilst drinking a coffee or having some quality time with your family. A criticism of Hygge in the UK is that we don't have the social structure to support it, we work all the hours of night and day, people are often isolated and lonely, our health service is in tatters, it's hard to feel looked after, safe and comfortable in our country at times.

So, what has all this got to do with having a baby? Why is this random blog on a lactation consultant’s website??!

A mum once told me that her son had just stopped feeding and started sleeping through the night, but, she heard him wake one morning, around 2am. She said he probably would have gone back to sleep, he wasn’t crying, she just heard him chattering on the monitor. This mum rushed in his room and picked him up, held him close and smelt his hair. She said ‘I just wanted that feeling, like, it’s just the two of you in the whole world again’. Of course, he was delighted with the snuggle, as was she, before she then spent the next half hour trying to convince him to go back to sleep in his cot before giving up and taking him back to her bed (definitely not in her plan but sounds lovely to me) but this connection, this feeling, is one many of us crave and seems pretty Hygge to me. For her as much as him.

Reflecting on this I realised that of course I have experienced Hygge before, every time I snuggled up with one of my babies, my afternoon routine with my first baby was to get home and cuddle up on the sofa with chocolate and watch a Netflix series. This couldn't be more Hygge in my opinion.

The feeling is created by the release of the hormone oxytocin, the love hormone, the key hormone in human bonding. Wikipedia says ‘Oxytocin is a peptide hormone and neuropeptide normally produced in the hypothalamus and released by the posterior pituitary. It plays a role in social bonding, reproduction, childbirth, and the period after childbirth.’

All this can sometimes sound a bit sciency and not very easy to relate to.

We talk about it all the time when we discuss childbirth and the early days, how it releases breastmilk from the mother (it’s literally the milk bottle top being opened when the oxytocin is released). It’s important to understand that oxytocin doesn’t magically make you fall in love with someone in an instant, the sudden rush of love is one of those things people feel terrified of not feeling when they meet their baby, remember oxytocin boosts feelings of love, contentment, security and trust. But how can you promote it?

The way to release is by skin to skin contact, this is why it's encouraged straight after birth and whenever you need a moment of calm, but it can also be induced by other means, such as physical contact like hugs, smells (smell of a baby's head, ummmmmm), laughter, listening to music........ all sorts of very lovely things really.

In breastfeeding support we talk about Oxytocin boosting environments, but this doesn't mean a lot to most people. The advice to room in with your baby to promote bonding is often misinterpreted as the Mum just needing a rest, she probably does, she definitely does in fact, but it's also because if you imagine yourself cuddled up, in bed (please follow safe infant sleep guidance! The Lullaby Trust - Safer sleep for babies, Support for families), with your woolly socks, your cosy lighting, some relaxing music and your baby, this would be an oxytocin boosting environment.

Your friend comes over with dinner ready to warm up later when you’ve had an all nighter with your baby, she makes you a cup of tea and gives you a hug. This is an oxytocin boosting environment.

Your partner does an amazing, extended rendition of ‘bouncing up and down on the big red tractor’ with your 8 month old so you can have a 7 minute shower in absolute peace. This is also an oxytocin boosting environment for everyone.

This is also extremely Hygge. It's a cycle, the environment you create is key to releasing oxytocin and then feeling safe, warm and comfortable. I often think that is an element that people miss out on. No wonder women panic when they are under the stark lights of a medical room, it's so much harder to release oxytocin and get that feeling of security.

So when I hear a mum say, ‘I just can’t get any milk out with my breast pump’ of course, I’ll discuss the merits of power pumping, get her shaking her breasts to wake them, ask her to gently massage herself and get that flange size right, but I will also think Hygge, get her a pair of woolly socks, make her a cuppa, turn the news feed off her phone, find some low lighting and encourage her to snuggle up.

I will try as much as I can, to make sure that individual people, feel they are supported as possible, as 'Hygged' as possible, it won't fix the massive huge gaps and inequalities in the wider system, but, it might help that person in their journey.

Ooooh, I’m off to put on my joggers, light the fire and cuddle the kids. Feel my hypothalamus go wild with that oxytocin release in my Hygge inducing environment!